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"The Nats were getting blown out by the Dodgers in an early May game, and the camera guy went to the kiss-cam early and often," Perry said.

"Well, he lingered a while on the same couple, and they just got into the spirit of the thing and started fucking like you wouldn't believe.

BOSTON—Having officially entered retirement after 20 seasons in Major League Baseball, former Red Sox designated hitter David Ortiz told reporters Thursday that he is excited to finally be able to eat whatever he wants.

WASHINGTON—Using a large plastic trash bag to collect the uniforms scattered around their bedroom closet, Michelle Obama reportedly spent Wednesday afternoon throwing out many of her husband’s old number 44 jerseys.

THE HEAVENS—Following a 8-7 victory over the Cleveland Indians that clinched the team’s first World Series title since 1908, sources confirmed Wednesday that millions of intoxicated Chicago Cubs fans are currently rioting across Heaven.

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